Over the Xmas period, I have hung out with many friends who have spoken about the joy of holidays and switching off from their work life... leaving me to gaze into my glass of Sav Blanc to locate the part of my memory that understands what that felt like when I had an employer. One afternoon, I felt like I had solved my internal puzzle - finding the words to describe how I was feeling in an honest way:
"Christmas holidays for me is really just like turning the tap off steady flow... to a drizzle... then to a slow drip that only I am aware of. A drip that is there in the background that I am constantly aware of... a never ending tap of awareness of work. And as January pulls itself out break mode... I am there with hand on the ready to turn back to steady flow again."
That's how being a freelancer in Dec/Jan feels like to me. You can never really fully switch off. Now that it's toward the end of January, I part feel rested and part feel robbed that I didn't get the 'switch off' that so many talk about with deep breaths and dropped shoulders.
I love this period of the year though because instead of a full break, to me it feels like the time of year to step back and take stock of where I am at and where I’d like to steer my life in the coming year. This year I saw an overwhelming amount of people write novel length Facebook status updates speaking of their dreams and wishes for 2018. Having just read a couple of books on manifesting and of the spiritual realm (another Xmas periods tradition)… I learnt that to enable your intentions for your life to gain true momentum and power… it is best to keep these wishes and manifestations quiet and to yourself. I found myself wishing I knew this 3 years earlier as this was when I started telling people I was moving overseas ‘shortly’ and only now laying down my plans 3 years later. There would be no Facebook declaration of high hopes and resolutions from me. I will silently create them in my own journal pages and celebrate whatever I realise them in real life. I also know some things take time... so breathe energy into the milestones that are important even if they take years.
I have hopes, dreams and intentions for 2018 to be the year of magic. I created this mantra on NYE with Henryk as we all sat around and listened to his tales from Peru (which were magical and surreal… I was totally sucked into the story). However I won’t share my personal milestones to anyone to see if it makes a difference. To be honest, it already HAS made a difference to me. There is a lack of stress connected to what I talk with people about knowing I will need to back it up with some glorious success in the form I set out to create. I learnt from creating, producing and designing my books in 2016-17 that a lot of the stress connected with that time was the pressure of producing something exactly as I said I would be like… instead of riding the wave of non attachment to an outcome and seeing what aesthetically comes out the other side. I would have the same product yet the ride would have been more joyous. Maybe the lesson for me there is I still do care about what others think even though I feel like I don’t.
As I wrote this piece, I said a loud YES to a job that would see my trip to NYC get pushed back into March. I said yes because working with this artist will warm the cockles of my soul and one day in the future I will have a story of how I spent a day in the presence of this amazing woman who I admire. Money can’t buy that experience and I look forward to this gig so much!
So, to the point of these words. It’s 2018 and I’m ready! My folio has been updated on my website, my dates are all lining up and I am practising thinking good thoughts. I am grateful for all my experiences and what 2017 taught me… also all the fellow creatives I had the joy of working and spending time with.
Lets go 2018… may we all have a blessed and magical year x